Posts tagged tea party:

Ladiez Luncheon Wednesday: A Fully Sponsored Post for Choice

It’s kind of crazy that we didn’t think of this before. Ladiez Luncheon. What do we serve at Ladiez Luncheons? Tea. And where do we get that tea? Nowhere cheap, that’s for sure. So we’ve been looking for sponsorship opportunities. Who better to be a prime sponsor of a ladiez tea party luncheon than the Tea Party®? They LOVE women’s issues. They are ready to “focus like a laser” on the important stuff and spend precious government time/dime discussing ladiez things than less pressing matters, like job creation.  
 
Ladiez Tea Party
® Luncheon, Brought to You by The Tea Party®

Tea Party
® Server: Hello and welcome to this afternoon’s Ladiez Tea Party® Luncheon & Tea Party®, brought to you by the Tea Party®. So glad you were able to take off from your busy unemployed schedule to join us this afternoon. Choose from any one of our wide selection of teas:

Green Tea for Godless Hippie Skanks
OR
Green Tea for Godless Hippie Skanks

Now, to make this afternoon most productive, I’ll give you a little overview of the baked good options. You need to be fattened up for harvest! We’ve got Tea Party® scones and Tea Party® cakes and Tea Party® macaroons and…you know what? There really is no reason to have anything but macaroons at a tea party. Come to think of it, we’re all pro-macaroon here, right? Good. Well, then that’s settled then. We’re only going to be serving macaroons. Why would you want anything else? Who wants choice when you can have macaroons?!!?

**These aren’t macaroons. But it is white people with finger foods.**

LHJ: You mean we can’t decide for ourselves?

Tea Party® Server: You really don’t know what’s best for you and your body.

LHJ: Okay. We gotta go. Not to be dramatic, but we’d rather die than attend this tea party.

Tea Party
® Server: That’s cool with us, too. You’ll have to abide by our Tea Party® rules anyway. They’re being enacted into law!! Enjoy your meals.

Mama Berenstains! Already taken. Plan B…I mean second choice: MAMA GRIZZLIES!

There’s been a lot of hullabaloo about these Mama Grizzlies and the fervor they’ve created with their Christian right wing rhetoric. Delaware’s Republican Senatorial candidate, Christine O’Donnell, is a self-proclaimed devout Catholic. And her political role model, Sarah Palin, has not swayed from her Alaskan-Christian-bible-camp-schtick since she told us all about her "servants heart".

And we thought to ourselves, “Where are they getting these ideas!?” So, LHJ went searching for the sacred texts informing their policies, and we stumbled upon some pretty interesting stuff:

    

GOD LOVES YOU

But only because you’re teaching your kids about the birds and bees. Happily married birds and bees. Oh and also, condoms are anti-human.

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Too Much TV? 

TOO MUCH PORN, PAPA BEAR. Too much crazy bear clown porn.

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THE TRUTH:

This is the part where I teach you how to be ashamed of your bodies, kids!

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BAD HABIT

Manicures are cheaper than years of unhappy masturbating. So bite away, young lady!

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Wow I guess we read these totally wrong.

You guys…ideas for our next political movement? Amelia Bedelia?