Quick reminder on proper mounting technique:

modernprimate:

In this age of internet, does anyone know how to do it anymore?? To prepare for a strong mount, it’s important to make someone feel good and comfortable and safe. Make sure to take care of that. Clear some space. You’re going to need some room for proper technique. Also, be mindful of your neighbors. All that hammering around can be inconsiderate if done at odd hours. (via How to Treat a Lady: Mount Her | Modern Primate | man, that’s deep)

With any divisive issue re: access to contraception for all, it’s always important to hear both sides of the story, which is why we’ve invited Rush Limbaugh here with us today. When that other side of the story comes from the crazed brain of an irrational human monster, it’s always best to be drunk. Introducing Ladiez Luncheon Wednesday: Drinking Game Edition

LUSH LIMBAUGH: A Drinking Game for Women Sluts

Rush wouldn’t respond to our initial invitation of Ladiez Luncheon, so we did what any self-respecting “authorettes” would do—put on some masculine accents, dressed in drag, harassed a woman, and VOILA! He’s HERE! He has no idea we’re playing. So, get ready to get LUSHED.

Rules:
1. Grab the nearest Limbaugh. Can be audio, video, or real thing, if you’ve invited him to your LadiezHJ lair disguised as a bro pad.
2. Pour your favorite beverage. Since you’re a slut, it’s definitely vodka or tequila cause they make your clothes come offffffff.
3. Drink when Lush Rush mentions any of the following: sluts, leftists, prostitutes, liberal media, feminazis, phony soldiers, bronze effigies, Michelle Obama’s weight.
4. Also drink when you:
Think about using birth control.
Pay for birth control.
Use birth control.
Engage in sexual intercourse…heterosexual intercourse. That’s the only kind.
Identify as a woman, lady, female.
Think.
Speak.
Breathe.

Shhh shhh he’s starting.

“Good afternoon. I’m hear to talk to you about women. Or as I like to call them sluts. Slut slut slut when you think you’re slut slut slut is inevitably slut. When prostitutes slut with other slut sluts, I bigoted remark with no moral compass. Furthermore, round-heeled slut feminazis can’t even begin to understand my logic. You bunch of liberal media mean mean mean thing here. Listen to me sluts! Look at my bust!”

OmGah. Stop. Stop. WeRe gonna bisvk out. Pfff haha black out. Lez go get tAcoS.

We’ve got to sober up before all of our sponsors pull out. Wait. That’s the best way to prevent unwanted conservative spawnsors. The rhythm method WINS.

From The Desk of LadiezHJ: Why we cancelled the “great luncheon”..

Donald Trump is doing a fun bit these days called “Look at me I’m over here, with $$.” In which political criticism leads to rambling leads to indecisiveness leads to doing whatever the fuck he wants anyway.

We can totally relate to that.

And you know why? Because a terrible thing is happening. People can’t stand breakfast and they can’t stand dinner. Now, we have a Ladiez Luncheon Wednesday coming up and only two people are showing up, our roommate and our other roommate, and I give them both a lot of credit because they have the guts to come.

But a lot of them aren’t coming because we are hosts and they think we might be a guest at someone else’s luncheon and that would be a conflict of host-interest. Something we can’t do now because of equal popularity, we have a big party and you’re not allowed to have it because it’s an equal popularity provision and it’s very unfair that other friends and socialites can be at all these parties and fly around using their unlimited public transportation pass and we can’t because we run this blog called LadiezHJ. And it’s really just the best journal with the letter “Z” in it’s name. By the end of May, when we’re tired of writing about ladiez things, we’ll be able to do whatever we want and we could go to as many parties, even though your friend’s sister doesn’t want us to come because we always bring the best stuffed mushroom appetizer. And we also dance better than the general population. And at the end it’s all just impossible.

They want us to announce that we won’t go to other social events and dinners and potlucks and WE WON’T DO THAT. Because if the National Good Time Association picks the wrong person to honor as “Best Wednesday Fun Party” we, in fact, would seriously consider running. In fact, we already had our financial disclosure form made and we’re printing it in the to-be-released LHJ cookbook “Ladiez Luncheon Wednesday: A Practical Guide to Fun Parties,” because we’re so proud of the job we’ve done. We won’t agree not to go to other parties, or host other ground-breaking discussions. So we’ve decided to cancel Ladiez Luncheon Wednesday. We won’t give up on the possibility of not not doing it. We just don’t think it’s fair to us, to the country, to all of the millions of people that are following what we say because they are tired of having this internet being ripped off by China.

Wait, hold on. We’ve confused ourselves. Why aren’t we throwing this luncheon again? Maybe we should just do it.

We’re scheduling Ladiez Luncheon Wednesday for next Wednesday.