Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: DAY HALLOWEEN

Finally, we’ve made it. Today is the day. We’ve presented you with a whole host of costumes via Awesome Hallowlady countdown. Perhaps you haven’t jumped on the bandwagon because you’re waiting for the penultimate character for this year’s holiday. The ladiest of ladies. The top of the awesomecharts. Numero ONE:

YOUR MOM

The Look: No, not like a jokingly YOUR MOM! Like actually dress up like your mother because she’s a wonderful person and deserves to be commemorated through costume.

Construction: We don’t know, whatever your mom wears. We don’t know your mom! Weird we’re not spying on her for this costume. OK if you pay us we’ll spy.

Behavior: Mom stuff. Like nurturing or caring or overbearing or role-modeling or being the best or just regular Mommmmm things.

Choice Sayings for Authentic Party Interactions:
“Don’t you talk to your mother like that. Now pass the PBR.”
“Sweetie, everything will be okay. You are beautiful inside and out. Now pull your shoulders back, lift your head up and get out there and be the best Cher in drag that you can be.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t come in costume. Instead I just just whipped up this pumpkin pie in between giving birth to my wonderful children and being promoted to CEO.”
“My Boy…They have your sisters…We have to get the girls back…And then we will kill them all.”
Oh yeah, that’s if you want to be the mom from Game of Thrones.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Now go out there and be an awesome lady. Today. Tomorrow. Until the world ends. whoahhh oh oh oh oh oh ohhhhhh.
(That’s if you want to be Britney Spears. She’s a mom, you guys.)

Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: Day 5

There’s a lot of costume pressure building right about now. Whatchu gonna be?? We’ve given you a whole host of suggestions, but maybe you need to kick it up a notch.  Looking for even more of a challenge this year? This one’s a toughie. For your Awesome Hallowlady pleasure, may we suggest:

NOT any of the Kardashians

Really. Just be none of the above.

Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: Day 4 

So perhaps you tend towards the dramatic––well if you want to stretch your acting muscles, have we got the Hallowlady costume for you. Call it an Inception, if you will. Call it a Catch Me If You Can. Call it a To Kill a Mockingbird. Actually you can ‘call’ it whatever you want, because none of those make sense. We’re calling it like it is, because this is a noses-to-the-grindstone, single-mother, too-smart-for-the-secretary-pool Hallowlady costume:

Julia Roberts AS Erin Brockovich

The Look: Doing WERQ. Oscar award-winning, litigating WERQ.

Construction: Pencil skirts, tank tops circa Contempo Casuals, red curly hair, 1,000-watt Hollywood XL Mouth smile, cleavage (3 push up bras or check in aisle 10 next to butt cracks).

Behavior: Question EVERYTHING and EVERYONE about POISON and challenge the MAN. Then retire to your trailer to regroup for the next scene. (Double check for trailer permits, finding parking at these city Halloween parties is rough.)

Choice Sayings for Authentic Party Interactions:
“How can you be partying? There are people out there dying. CUT CUT. Let’s do that again.”
“Hey you, over there, with the iPod. Keep that turned down. This is my moment, so I’m going to be up here talking for a while. Hahahahahahaaa.”
“How did I get this jungle juice so fast? Seeing as how I have no brains or party expertise, I just went out into the other room and performed sexual favors. 51 blowjobs in 15 minutes…I’m really quite tired.”

BONUS ACCESSORY: Try to get your hands on a real life baby. One that works in the film biz.

BONUS BONUS ACCESSORY: Try to get one of your friends to dress up as Aaaron Eckhart  as rough-around-the-edges love interest George. 

Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: Day 3

So maybe you find Young Adult Fiction to be a bit beneath you, intellectually. And that’s fine. Odd. But fine. Perhaps you’re more concerned with the basic laws of physics governing the interactions and forces among elementary objects, the deep structure of space and time, and in particular the intersection of quantum mechanics and general relativity, where current theories and knowledge are unclear or breakdown altogether. We know. We read your diary.

That’s where SCIENCE comes in: The Large Hadron Collider. (No, not Hardon Collider, Hallowfrat McBro). Hadron is definitely a lady name. And “Large Hadron Collider” might be our new roller derby character. Did we mention we’re starting a roller derby team? You should join.

Large Hadron Collider

This’ll be easy to put together. 

The Look: SCIENCE! 

Construction: Proton beams, Dipole and Quadrupole magnets, and some copper-clad niobium-titanium. All available at your local Joann Fabrics. 

Behavior: High-speed collisions, spontaneous creation of new particles and uncovering the mysteries of LIFE. Once the party is in full swing, fall asleep for a little bit in the middle of the room. Then wake up and shout, “Is it 2014, yet?!” because that’s when the Hadron will be turned up to full energy again. 

Choice Sayings for Authentic Party Interactions:
“Is that the Higg’s Boson?? Oh nm it’s just a bowl of peeled grapes. I’m gonna go touch them.”
“Have you ever been to the Franco-Swiss border? I know a lovely underground compound there.”
“May I borrow your fine china, preferably the circular ones. I’d like to smash them together real quick.”

I AM MASS. I AM ENERGY.

These ladies look great. 

Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: Day 2

Maybe you’re looking for something a little more action-oriented this Halloween. Something that says, “Hey I’ve been running through the woods for days and watched people die in my arms, but I can’t be sad about it because there are a bunch of toxic bees after me. Not to mention these other people that are trying to kill me.”
Lucky for you, we’ve got that costume. EXACTLY that costume.
 
Katniss Everdeen

The Look: BADASS, Literary heroine

Construction: Some next-level future materials, movement clothes, bow & quiver accessories, Mockingjay pin. Open wounds optional, depending on your stage makeup experience.

Behavior: Street/field smarts, stealth, bravery, ready-to-die at any minute
(P.S. Don’t EFF up this costume cause there’s a movie adaption coming out soon and *someone* might get an EFFED UP portrayal. Just saying it’s a possibility. KEEP IT AUTHENTIC. Katniss is important. Jeez.)

Choice Sayings for Authentic Party Interactions:
“Where did you get that cup of fizzy drink? From the cornucopia? Your sponsor?”
“PRIM! GALE! PRIM! GALE! Wait, were they invited to this party?”
“Which district are you representing?”
“It’s a shame I like you because I’m going to have to kill you soon.”

Then shoot your arrow into something. Preferably not a person. (We won’t say anything if Katniss accidentally aims at that dude dressed up as “Chesty Woman”).

Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: Day 1

We’ve had some trouble navigating the Halloween waters in the past. It’s tough. Should we be sexy? Should we be serious? Should we be sexious? In truth, there is no black or white answer. OK maybe there are a few black and white answers. But we’re counting on a baseline level of COOL costumes from our readers. And if you’re still uncertain, there is one sure-fire way to avoid a lame costume, and that’s dressing up as an AWESOME LADY! For serious or for sexy.

Oh LHJ, what, pray tell, do you ever mean? Well, first, stop talking like that. Second, we’re going to show you. From here until Halloween, we’ll be unveiling one awesome lady costume a day. 

To start off, we’ve got a no-brainer. Or should we say FULLOFBRAINERS: Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Try this awesome lady on for costume size.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

The Look: LadyJustice

Construction: 1. Judges robes 2. Fun earrings 3. Slicked-back pony for optimum sightlines 4. Lace accents

Behavior: No-nonsense + Been around all the blocks + Values

Choice Sayings for Authentic Party Interactions:
“Did I mention I’m 78 and working erry day?” 
“The government has no business making choices for women. So, yes, I will pour this punch for myself.”
“Ruling: This bar looks like the inside of Clarence Thomas’ butt. Let’s go dancing.”

UPDATE!!! This is what it should look like IRL. At a party. With your friends. 

Compliments of the always charming, Carla Kessler. 

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This is only the beginning. Stay tuned for more Hallowlady costumes.
TEASER ALERT: Next, we tackle another lady. Not physically.