How to Treat a Lady: Reallll Good if She’s Dating a Lady
You know what’s fun about trends? Good! We don’t, but let’s follow them anyway! It seems like there’s no better way to shape one’s existence than by blindly following the culture features in mags. Personally, we like to follow the trends on lady life. Because we’re ladies, right? And when those trends involve ladies who like ladies while living their lady lives, well we get suspicious because that just seems too good to be true.
Suspicions be gone! According to some investigative trend reporting from the Times of London, a couple of anecdotes and a fun title, lesbians are officially the new IT accessory. IT being “must-have human,” accessory being “friendship.” We’re pretty surprised, too! Friendships with lesbians? How different! Avant garde! So trendy! (crowd murmurs)
We didn’t want to get left behind, so we found a lady. Sat her down. And tried to befriend her.
LadiezHJ Sits Down With….ANOTHER Lady
LadiezHJ: So, you’re a lesbian.
Lady: Yes.
LadiezHJ: Can we be friends?
Lady: I guess, we need to get to know…
LadiezHJ: Oh, thank GOD! We’re officially friends. That was so easy!
Lady: I’m confused.
LadiezHJ: Do you live in a cave or something? Haha, just joking with you. *punches arm* We read this article about a new trend where straight girls are acquiring lesbian friend accessories. And we just got you! HOORAY!
Lady: I don’t think that’s a thing. It’s just called a friendship, and you’re approaching this one all wrong.
LadiezHJ: Our first disagreement!
Lady: Please stop.
LadiezHJ: You’re the hottest spring accessory. Having you around is supposed to make us cooler. What are we supposed to do without you, find a gay man or something? That’s so 1998.
Lady: You can’t be serious.
LHJ: As serious as brunch! Which by the way we have one to go to today and that show off, Straight Kate, is bringing her new lesbian couple friends. We can’t show up empty-handed!
Lady: I’ve gotta go.
LadiezHJ: There’s someone else, isn’t there? You’re someone else’s spring accessory!
Lady: I don’t think we can be friends anymore.
LadiezHJ: How are we supposed to get in the lady-on-lady accessory game!?
Lady: Leaving.
LadiezHJ: No wait! Seriously. Hypothetically. If we were straight. Could we be friends? It’s pretty hot right now. Straight lady…gay lady friend…
Lady: Wait, are you straight?
LadiezHJ: What??! WE have to be straight, too? We fucked this all up. Are you saying we can’t be friends?
We’ve got to find another trend to jump on fast, before our summer lookbook gets released and we’ll be a whole season behind. Next stop: Humans that are friends with other humans who are friends with robots. Sounds HOTT/Circut City.
