Important News Update: We are NOT Ladies.

We’ve recently been informed that we’re not ladies. I repeat, NOT ladies.

Sorry, we’ve been lying to everyone this whole time. Plus ourselves. We’ve definitely been lying to ourselves. Don’t even show us a mirror, we can’t stand to look at our lying mugs.

According to Mr. Rich Santos of Marie Claire, we’re only at girl stage right now. Therefore, all citizens henceforth, hereto forevermore should refer to us as girls.

Apparently we have to pass through the ‘woman’ checkpoint, birthing a child and making it onto the ‘mom’ weigh station. It is only there that we can find the pink handle under the third brick on the right side of the dividing wall, do ten jumping jacks and put on lipstick to unlock the ‘lady’ level. From there, a hovercraft will take us to a kitchen where we will be tasked with making crustless peanut butter and fluff sandwiches during a combination fireball storm/PTA meeting that lasts eons until we can finally ascend into ‘ladycrone’ status.

So for those of you not planning on having children, are unable to have children, or are waiting to have children well SUCKS for you because you’re a GIRL until you’ve done all of the above. Hey girl, hey hope you don’t feel belittled. That wasn’t Mr. Santos’ intention. 

Britney update: She’s got two kids now. So she’s two times the woman. Right, Rich?