2011 Trend Watch: SO HOMO for Kid’s Spring Essentials

People are freaking out about J. Crew this week. Not because of their adorable spring line or classic American look, but because they have an ad that features a little boy wearing pink nail polish. Let’s stop and think about this for a moment. Are you freaking out, yet? 

Well WE are, because this “blatant propaganda that celebrates transgendered children” has totally sparked an LHJ entrepreneurial moment!! EEEEE!!

According to conservative logic, gender presentation seems to be the determining factor of sexuality. That’s it. That’s all. “Girly” boys are definitely going to be gay, and “tomboy” girls are definitely going to be lesbians. This can only mean one thing: there’s a hole in the market for products that capitalize on this notion. J. Crew has already started marketing pink nail polish to boys! We need to get ourselves in the game. The gay-making game. 

We’d like to present to you our new line of children’s accessories:

Make ‘Em So Gay For Spring 2011

For parents looking to make their little boys gay we have…

For parents looking to make their little girls lesbians we have…

After all that, we’ve heard about a new trend among some parents who promote smart, healthy, cool kids with zero gender pressure. Because isn’t that what we should be concerned about…that our children are smart and healthy?

NAHHH. Just that they’re NOT GAY. Besides, what could we sell to the parents then?