Ladiez Home Journal? More Like Ladiez Financial Journal of Good Advice

Yoohoo! Oh governmentttt! We heard that you’re having trouble reaching a budget compromise. Trust us, we know where you’re coming from. Money talk is serious talk, as in seriously uncomfortable. Nobody likes to talk $$. We haven’t even discussed how we’re going to pay our tumblr bill. GROSS. 

It’s so easy to get lost in the (Let’s Restrict Abortion Funding and Not Provide Clean Air to America Talk, GOP Buttfaces!) argument, that people seem to forget the very basic skills of money saving. 

Well, it’s your lucky day government, cause we’re ladies. You know what that means…we’ve been raised to keep a tight ship.  It’s in our chromosomes, you know? Like when your husband hands you the grocery money every month and you just have to make it work. That’s the stuff we’re made of—crafting dresses out of curtains and jerry-rigging a bedframe out of papermache and the like. We’re frugalistas! Recessionistas! Governmentsavingistas! So before everyone shuts down the government, here are our tips:

LadiezHJ Penny Pinchers for Cutting Government Spending:

Shop at Good Will: Thrift starts with thrift stores. Buying all employee uniforms from the vintage section will cut your costs by the zillions! How do you think hipsters afford expensive loft apartments? They wear that stuff. Oh yeah and their parents pay for shit. OK, look into that too.

Government Groupon: How come businesses get to have all the coupon fun…let’s make this work for national spending. Concerned about international business? Switzerland is giving great deals on loans, we’ve heard, on www.groupon.gov. Can’t keep up with all the social services you’ve promised to local communities? Just hand out GovGroupons for half-off tapas instead. That’s a real social service!

Vaseline: Throw it on the oil spill. Wipe some on the housing crisis. And then use the rest to moisturize your faces so you can all be ready for re-election. TYRA says it works for everything.

Less Viable Savings Options:

Cut Military Spending: This really probably isn’t going to work, but whatever you could try it as a backup maybe.

Tax the Rich and Close the Wealth Gap: You know what? Never mind, we can do that some other time.