Let’s Play Gay 20 Questions!
So this really cool app called, “Is Your Son Gay?” came out this week and it’s supposed to help parents determine their son’s sexual preference with a series of hard-hitting questions. Since we don’t have any sons, and the process of making one/getting one is just going to take way too long, we’re gonna use it on ourselves.
That’s right, Ladiez Home Journal is going to use this app to decide ONCE AND FOR ALL if we’re gay.
Ladiez Home Journal presents: “Is Your LadiezHJ Gay?”
1. Does LHJ like to dress up nicely? Does LHJ pay close attention to its outfits and brand names? Pant suits. Bow ties. Tank tops. Bike shorts. And high tops. I think the answer’s pretty clear.
2. Does LHJ like football? You know if the Chicago Bears could just establish a stronger running game that would force teams to defend the run, which would open things up for Jay Cutler to really use his arm strength.
3. Before LHJ was born did you wish LHJ would be a girl? We’ll answer this question when science let’s us give birth to ourselves. So tomorrow.
4. Has LHJ ever gotten into or participated in a fight? Only a dance fight. We don’t throw punches. Throwing body rolls left and right.
5. Does LHJ read sports magazines? Yes. “The Equestrian in You.”
6. Does LHJ have a best friend? Duh
7. Does LHJ like team sports? Yello
8. Is LHJ prudish/modest? Did you know Ladiez Home Journal is its very own blog??
9. Does LHJ like diva singers? Hmmm
10. Does LHJ spend a long time in the bathroom? Well it depends on how many Fiber One bars we’ve eaten that day.
11. Does LHJ have a tongue, nose or ear piercing? Vajazzles R Us
12. Does LHJ spend time getting ready before being seen in public? We have a whole cadre of people devoted specifically to making us look good every day, all day. Have you seen our logo? Have you seen this website? This blog IS our public face.
13. Have you asked yourself questions about your LHJ’s sexual orientation? So many questions. North? South? East?
14. Are you divorced? Well, until everyone can get married we’re staying pre-divorced.
15. Does LHJ like musical comedies? Strictly musical dramas. We are morally opposed to comedies.
16. Has LHJ introduced you to a girlfriend ever? She’s just a friend that happens to be a girl. You know, girlfriend.
17. Is the father very strict or authoritarian with LHJ? No, Dad doesn’t author any part of the blog. That’s what you were asking, right?
18. In your family is the father absent? Absent-minded! HAHA. Just kidding dad. You’re not that old.
19. Was LHJ shy as a child? OK yeah there were some hard moments when the braces hadn’t come off yet, but we were working on it.
20. Is LHJ close to his father? What is with all the father questions? If you like my father so much why don’t you MARRY HIM!!
We spent $2.99 on the app and all it said was “Check back later.” This is just a fancy gaydar 8-ball.
Scoff. We’ll spend our money on the new Bejeweled/Grindr mashup app next time.
