February 2012
3 posts
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January 2012
5 posts
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3 tags
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December 2011
5 posts
4 tags
6 tags
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8 tags
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November 2011
6 posts
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LHJ Talks Human Beings
It’s a life lesson, really:
People, when you start dating other people, don’t get boring! Just because you have a new girlfriend or lifepartner or whatever doesn’t mean you should let yourself turn into co-dependent uninteresting shadows of yourselves. Nobody likes that. Nobody. We asked your mom, and she HATES when you do that.
Here’s a helpful quiz to help monitor your...
5 tags
October 2011
11 posts
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Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: DAY HALLOWEEN
Finally, we’ve made it. Today is the day. We’ve presented you with a whole host of costumes via Awesome Hallowlady countdown. Perhaps you haven’t jumped on the bandwagon because you’re waiting for the penultimate character for this year’s holiday. The ladiest of ladies. The top of the awesomecharts. Numero ONE:
YOUR MOM
The Look: No, not like a jokingly YOUR MOM! Like actually dress up like...
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Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: Day 5
There’s a lot of costume pressure building right about now. Whatchu gonna be?? We’ve given you a whole host of suggestions, but maybe you need to kick it up a notch. Looking for even more of a challenge this year? This one’s a toughie. For your Awesome Hallowlady pleasure, may we suggest:
NOT any of the Kardashians
Really. Just be none of the above.
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Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: Day 4
So perhaps you tend towards the dramatic––well if you want to stretch your acting muscles, have we got the Hallowlady costume for you. Call it an Inception, if you will. Call it a Catch Me If You Can. Call it a To Kill a Mockingbird. Actually you can ‘call’ it whatever you want, because none of those make sense. We’re calling it like it is, because this is a noses-to-the-grindstone, single-mother,...
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Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: Day 3
So maybe you find Young Adult Fiction to be a bit beneath you, intellectually. And that’s fine. Odd. But fine. Perhaps you’re more concerned with the basic laws of physics governing the interactions and forces among elementary objects, the deep structure of space and time, and in particular the intersection of quantum mechanics and general relativity, where current theories and knowledge are...
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Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: Day 2
Maybe you’re looking for something a little more action-oriented this Halloween. Something that says, “Hey I’ve been running through the woods for days and watched people die in my arms, but I can’t be sad about it because there are a bunch of toxic bees after me. Not to mention these other people that are trying to kill me.” Lucky for you, we’ve got that costume. EXACTLY that costume. Katniss...
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Awesome Hallowlady Costumes: Day 1
We’ve had some trouble navigating the Halloween waters in the past. It’s tough. Should we be sexy? Should we be serious? Should we be sexious? In truth, there is no black or white answer. OK maybe there are a few black and white answers. But we’re counting on a baseline level of COOL costumes from our readers. And if you’re still uncertain, there is one sure-fire way to avoid a lame costume,...
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Ladiez Luncheon Wednesday: A Fully Sponsored Post...
It’s kind of crazy that we didn’t think of this before. Ladiez Luncheon. What do we serve at Ladiez Luncheons? Tea. And where do we get that tea? Nowhere cheap, that’s for sure. So we’ve been looking for sponsorship opportunities. Who better to be a prime sponsor of a ladiez tea party luncheon than the Tea Party®? They LOVE women’s issues. They are ready to “focus like a laser” on the important...
jonjohns65 asked: I'm kinda of excited that you are following me. I've liked your Tumblr for a while now. I have been travelling all of Sept & Oct, and tumbling infrequently, but should get back into a regular routine.I hope I can continue to keep your attention, and not offend. Please keep tumbling, you're the bomb.
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Funny Women Rules: Lesson 1
Here’s a funny lady*, according to Fox News:
Sexy means men can laugh!! Har har har!
*The reason WE think she’s a funny lady is because of that studded belt. Come on…grommets**?!! Heeheeheee.
**Body snark is hilarioussss.
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Anything Going on Today?
Sorry we’ve been at this disco dance all day.
Diana was there. Tunes were killer:
MEN- Credit Card Babie$ Melissa Etheridge- Come to My Window Bronski Beat- Smalltown Boy Sophie B. Hawkins- Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover Wham- Everything She Wants Culture Club- Time Whitney- I Wanna Dance with Somebody
So yeah, there’s that. What’s everyone else up to today?
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The Must-Diet Haves for Fall
Big news on the docket this week at Ladiez Home Journal: Occupy Wall Street Skinny Jeans. We’re looking for the next best way to lose weight in the shortest amount of time. Because #1 Issue for women=skinny. Who has time to NOT look model thin for jeggings? Here’s what we’ve tried so far: Bikini Bod Diet: These pre-packaged meals actually reconfigure the fat molecules in your body to sit where...
September 2011
5 posts
4 tags
Some Next-Level Goal S#*%
Now that we’ve passed the equinox, it’s the time for Fall-ow Through. What’s that, LadiezHJ, you say? Fallow? As in un-seeded and uncultivated lands? No no, young grammatical grasshopper. Time to follow through. Now. Priorities: 1. Follow your dreams 2. Stand up for yourself 3. Do bad-ass stuff You guys, fall ‘tis the season to make outlandish promises to yourself...
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CONGRATULATIONS JCPENNEY!!!!! →
You’re dumb. U r dum. Sew stoopid.
*If you’re looking for the video here, move along soldier. We don’t sully LadiezHJ pages with dumb stuff. Clearly.
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Let's Play Gay 20 Questions!
So this really cool app called, “Is Your Son Gay?” came out this week and it’s supposed to help parents determine their son’s sexual preference with a series of hard-hitting questions. Since we don’t have any sons, and the process of making one/getting one is just going to take way too long, we’re gonna use it on ourselves.
That’s right, Ladiez Home Journal is going to use this app to decide...
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Common Human Etiquette: Lesson #2011 Proper Boo...
Fridays are supposed to be fun, right!? Unfortunately, we’re having a hard time enjoying ourselves with this tiny nugget we can’t unsee or unhear:
And now presenting a video of small-minded douche turds (takes deep breath) individuals, that booed out and proud gay soldier, Stephen Hill, at last night’s GOP debate.
We know. We can’t believe it either.
But alas, as...
Ladiez Luncheon Wednesday: Harvest Smart
Guess what? Summer vacay is over. One minute it’s all pool parties, crop tops and Smurfs 3D, and then you wake up and it’s fall and RICK PERRY IS HERE. We all know what that means: the seasons are a-changing, and it’s time we change along with it.
Fall friends, it’s harvest time—time to dig deep inside your brain and harvest some values and intelligence because soon...
August 2011
2 posts
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The TRUTH About Same-Sex Marriages
It’s been almost a month since the very first same-sex I do’s were traded in the Big Apple. And if you guys know anything about months, you know it’s just about the perfect amount of time for these same-sex newlyweds to get their crazy gay tentacles into the American psyche and make HUGE changes to our way of life. We know you’ve probably got so many questions…Two people...
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Denial Mondays: No News is Good News
We’ve been trying to soak up the most Vitamin D on our faces and charcoal bbq smells in our shorts. And the least real news.
Because in real news, things are bleak. And we really can’t have shitty feelings interrupting summer fun. So we’ve conveniently strapped on some summer sunglasses-shaped blinders. The world is our oyster. And by oyster we mean the ones we’re going to...
July 2011
1 post
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In a Relationship with the Women's World Cup
You: Hey, LHJ, you’ve been awful quiet recently, is everything okay?
Everything is fine. In fact, everything is better than fine. We’ve just been falling in love with the Women’s World Cup, so there really isn’t that much room in our lives for other people. Or blogs. But do not fret. We’ve seen the error in our ways. We CAN have it all!
This is what our days have...
June 2011
1 post
6 tags
An LHJ Pledge
If we, Ladiez Home Journal, hear someone describe a movie as raunchy girl comedy, we solemnly swear to collectively shit our pants and then throw up three milkshakes.
And then fart for like 2 hours straight. 2 HOURS, OK?!
You’ve been warned.
May 2011
6 posts
3 tags
Beyonce, We Want to Know About You
In re: “Girls (We Run the World)” and various related performances.
10 Important Questions:
How do the physics work with your high heels?
Can you just give a few more specific details about running the world? (examples could be legislation, political ideologies, social programs, etc.)
Who do you look to for advice on tech gadgets?
I’m easily distracted…why are those...
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How to Treat a Lady: Give Her Mood Lighting
WATCH OUT. Romance is a tricky bird. And after seeing so many episodes of Game of Thrones, it’s tough to know where one romance ends and the next begins. WE KNOW. So, let’s talk about scene-setting. Years of research (read: pyros) have lead to our conclusion that romance is all about lighting. Corneas and light receptors and stuff—it’s all very scientific.
Here’s where you’re asking, “When...
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Masturpoetry
Welcome to our first annual Masturbation Celebration Poetry Slam! (finger snaps) (bongos) As you all know, May is National Masturbation Month. And since there is one whole month in our calendar devoted to celebrating self-pleasure, we’re going to put this all down in writing so we can continue to celebrate for the rest of the year. Over and over. And over.
Here’s a rhyming couplet to get us...
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Deep Thoughts, with Mulan
It’s been 12 days since Osama Bin Laden was killed, and we’ve been thinking a lot. Like really trying to figure out what’s happening in the aftermath of BinLadenfest 2011. No, that wasn’t a summer music festival. So, unroll your jean shorts and button them properly, please. We’re talking about the widespread celebrating that cropped up across the country.
The social...
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Ladiez Luncheon Wednesday: Seeking DJ Friends
Mailbag Q of the Week:
Hey LHJ, I love theatre and there are plenty of great strong-willed lady characters. Who are your favorites and why? Sincerely, djgj
Dear djgj,
Great question. Are you a DJ?? It sounds like you really like music. Can’t imagine why you’d have a name like that if you didn’t like music, right? Hahaha, we answered our own question! So, do you DJ at parties...
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How to Treat a Lady: Reallll Good if She’s Dating...
You know what’s fun about trends? Good! We don’t, but let’s follow them anyway! It seems like there’s no better way to shape one’s existence than by blindly following the culture features in mags. Personally, we like to follow the trends on lady life. Because we’re ladies, right? And when those trends involve ladies who like ladies while living their lady lives,...
April 2011
7 posts
4 tags
How to Treat a Lady: Kiss Her Butt
No, seriously just kiss her butt.
It kind of tickles.
Done. This has been your Ladiez Luncheon Wednesday.
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Important News Update: We are NOT Ladies.
We’ve recently been informed that we’re not ladies. I repeat, NOT ladies.
Sorry, we’ve been lying to everyone this whole time. Plus ourselves. We’ve definitely been lying to ourselves. Don’t even show us a mirror, we can’t stand to look at our lying mugs.
According to Mr. Rich Santos of Marie Claire, we’re only at girl stage right now. Therefore, all...
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2011 Trend Watch: SO HOMO for Kid's Spring...
People are freaking out about J. Crew this week. Not because of their adorable spring line or classic American look, but because they have an ad that features a little boy wearing pink nail polish. Let’s stop and think about this for a moment. Are you freaking out, yet?
Well WE are, because this “blatant propaganda that celebrates transgendered children” has totally sparked...
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In Which LadiezHJ Creates the Next Great American...
Happy 95th Birthday, Ms. Beverly Cleary! You made rainy days, boring family trips and reading-for-pleasure way too much fun. You have written amazing books inspired by real-life girls, made kid’s books fun AND funny and even threw a wrench into many of the literary tropes expected in 1960s YAF. If we were still in 4th grade, we would probably name a hamster after you, bring it to show and...
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Ladiez Home Journal? More Like Ladiez Financial...
Yoohoo! Oh governmentttt! We heard that you’re having trouble reaching a budget compromise. Trust us, we know where you’re coming from. Money talk is serious talk, as in seriously uncomfortable. Nobody likes to talk $$. We haven’t even discussed how we’re going to pay our tumblr bill. GROSS.
It’s so easy to get lost in the (Let’s Restrict Abortion Funding and...