Hey everyone! LHJ with the Hobby Lobby creative studio here. We are talking ruffles, ruffles, and more ruffles today - for your IUD! They look really complicated to make but they’re a cinch! And perfect in a pinch when your employer’s healthcare refuses to provide contraceptives.
All it takes are a few supplies (all available at Hobby Lobby!!!), a few stitches, a little crazy glue and a complete disregard for safe, accessible means of healthcare for women. Trust us, God definitely wants it this way. He was there in the room with us when we met with Hobby Lobby to kick off this awesome collaboration.
LEARN TO SEW: Your own IUD/Abortion Thingie
Supply list:
Rotary cutter
Measuring tape
Straight (not gay) pins
Pipe cleaners. Vaginas are gross. 
Heavy gauge thread, but not too heavy. Women’s parts are delicate.
Bendy straws 
Tiny pom pom balls for that touch of patriarchy 
Ignorance of basic biology
Rhinestones - sparkles just scream “you decide for my body!”
1) Cut a bendy straw to match the length of your uterus. Ask one of our friendly Hobby Lobby employees to help you measure!
2) Now use the bendy straws and thread to cross the ‘T’
3) Using just a touch of glue, affix as many pom pom balls as you want. They should look something like this now:
4) And voila! Just shove that sucker on up there and you’re ready to go. It feels good to carry something around in your stomach that you’ve made, doesn’t it?
Next week we’ll be showing you gentlemen how to craft your own penis pump out of styrofoam and origami paper…oh excuse me, that’s already covered under Medicare. JK!

Hey everyone! LHJ with the Hobby Lobby creative studio here. We are talking ruffles, ruffles, and more ruffles today - for your IUD! They look really complicated to make but they’re a cinch! And perfect in a pinch when your employer’s healthcare refuses to provide contraceptives.

All it takes are a few supplies (all available at Hobby Lobby!!!), a few stitches, a little crazy glue and a complete disregard for safe, accessible means of healthcare for women. Trust us, God definitely wants it this way. He was there in the room with us when we met with Hobby Lobby to kick off this awesome collaboration.

LEARN TO SEW: Your own IUD/Abortion Thingie

  • Supply list:
  • Rotary cutter
  • Measuring tape
  • Straight (not gay) pins
  • Pipe cleaners. Vaginas are gross.
  • Heavy gauge thread, but not too heavy. Women’s parts are delicate.
  • Bendy straws
  • Tiny pom pom balls for that touch of patriarchy
  • Ignorance of basic biology
  • Rhinestones - sparkles just scream “you decide for my body!”

1) Cut a bendy straw to match the length of your uterus. Ask one of our friendly Hobby Lobby employees to help you measure!

2) Now use the bendy straws and thread to cross the ‘T’

3) Using just a touch of glue, affix as many pom pom balls as you want. They should look something like this now:

4) And voila! Just shove that sucker on up there and you’re ready to go. It feels good to carry something around in your stomach that you’ve made, doesn’t it?

Next week we’ll be showing you gentlemen how to craft your own penis pump out of styrofoam and origami paper…oh excuse me, that’s already covered under Medicare. JK!

NFL Reveals New Sex Eligibility Rules
Boy oh boy, color us surprised. Never thought there’d be so much hullabaloo about sexuality in the NFL, a community of gentlemen who clearly have good heads on their shoulders about things like supporting their teammates. Football players are usually so open and affirming! Luckily, LadiezHJ was on the scene for the league’s most recent press conference where Anonymous NFL Executive stepped up to set the record super super straight.
NFL PRESS CONFERENCE TRANSCRIPT
Flashbulb. Flashbulb.
Good morning, gentlemen and token lady. Thank you for joining me this morning. It’s always a pleasure to talk to you about the great sport of American Football, a pastime so beloved that just thinking about it might bring tears to my eyes if I wasn’t so full of manly man man testosterone. And, believe you me, it’s a lot. I’ll always regret the day that the ol’ powers that be didn’t let us pour testosterone directly into the Gatorade jugs. Guess we just have to stick with injecting it directly into bloodstreams (hearty laughter, mimes injecting stuff into butt). Anyway, let’s get serious here because the fact of the matter is, we really do need more testosterone in the sacred locker rooms of our NFL teams. It’s been getting a little too “flouncy” (flicks wrist daintily) in there recently, and that has got to change.
That change starts in the hearts of our most skilled players. And by heart, I mean the one located in their crotches. As we all know, the only thing that determines whether or not you’re good enough to throw, kick, block, and tackle in the Pros is if you can stick it in the right holes. “It”, in this context, being one’s penis.
You heard me. The only way to prove your adeptness on the field, your strength as a player, and your overall preparation as a man, is very obvious: sleep with a bunch of women. Which is why the NFL will no longer be accepting Virgins. Hubbub from the reporters. We don’t need to chemically imbalance the locker room or the playbook by drafting players who have not put their male penis inside a long history of women vaginas.
Let me go on record to say that football is not ready for an openly Virgin player. And by Virgin, I mean very specifically anyone who hasn’t stuck their P in a V––I’m looking at you, Michael Sam. You’ve never had real sex, so you’re not eligible. In the coming decade or two, maybe, but at this point in time it’s still a man-who-has-had-heterosexual-intercourse-many-times-man’s man game.
Lastly, I’d just like to say that this policy is only being enforced for the good of America because the NFL continues to lead the way with our testosterone torch of glory. We are losing our decency as a nation. Imagine your son being forced to shower with a Virgin man. A VIRGIN MAN! Sighs. That’s a mighty horrifying prospect for every mom in the country.
Now, unless you have more pressing questions, I’d like to demonstrate how to have sex, using this banana and cock ring…erm…doughnut.

You heard it from the professionals, folks. If it’s not P in the V than it’s not NFL Read-y.

NFL Reveals New Sex Eligibility Rules

Boy oh boy, color us surprised. Never thought there’d be so much hullabaloo about sexuality in the NFL, a community of gentlemen who clearly have good heads on their shoulders about things like supporting their teammates. Football players are usually so open and affirming! Luckily, LadiezHJ was on the scene for the league’s most recent press conference where Anonymous NFL Executive stepped up to set the record super super straight.

NFL PRESS CONFERENCE TRANSCRIPT

Flashbulb. Flashbulb.

Good morning, gentlemen and token lady. Thank you for joining me this morning. It’s always a pleasure to talk to you about the great sport of American Football, a pastime so beloved that just thinking about it might bring tears to my eyes if I wasn’t so full of manly man man testosterone. And, believe you me, it’s a lot. I’ll always regret the day that the ol’ powers that be didn’t let us pour testosterone directly into the Gatorade jugs. Guess we just have to stick with injecting it directly into bloodstreams (hearty laughter, mimes injecting stuff into butt). Anyway, let’s get serious here because the fact of the matter is, we really do need more testosterone in the sacred locker rooms of our NFL teams. It’s been getting a little too “flouncy” (flicks wrist daintily) in there recently, and that has got to change.

That change starts in the hearts of our most skilled players. And by heart, I mean the one located in their crotches. As we all know, the only thing that determines whether or not you’re good enough to throw, kick, block, and tackle in the Pros is if you can stick it in the right holes. “It”, in this context, being one’s penis.

You heard me. The only way to prove your adeptness on the field, your strength as a player, and your overall preparation as a man, is very obvious: sleep with a bunch of women. Which is why the NFL will no longer be accepting Virgins. Hubbub from the reporters. We don’t need to chemically imbalance the locker room or the playbook by drafting players who have not put their male penis inside a long history of women vaginas.

Let me go on record to say that football is not ready for an openly Virgin player. And by Virgin, I mean very specifically anyone who hasn’t stuck their P in a V––I’m looking at you, Michael Sam. You’ve never had real sex, so you’re not eligible. In the coming decade or two, maybe, but at this point in time it’s still a man-who-has-had-heterosexual-intercourse-many-times-man’s man game.

Lastly, I’d just like to say that this policy is only being enforced for the good of America because the NFL continues to lead the way with our testosterone torch of glory. We are losing our decency as a nation. Imagine your son being forced to shower with a Virgin man. A VIRGIN MAN! Sighs. That’s a mighty horrifying prospect for every mom in the country.

Now, unless you have more pressing questions, I’d like to demonstrate how to have sex, using this banana and cock ring…erm…doughnut.

You heard it from the professionals, folks. If it’s not P in the V than it’s not NFL Read-y.

Sochi Highlights and Lowlights
The Sochi Olympics are in full Russian swing, and we have been glued, absolutely GLUED to our local cable provider for all the HD details. We’re bringing you the most accurate, action-packed moves from the first four days. Hold on to your seats, Olympics fans, because there are a lot of new faces you’re going to want to remember.
The first US gold medal was well earned by a snowboarder, because Americans love hanging ten degrees below zero. RIGHTEOUS! Check out the moves:

We are so excited that women are part of the ski jump competition this year. Because if there’s anything we know about Russia, it’s that this country loves symbols of equality. Fly high, ladies:

Unfortunately, there have already been some nasty spills on the course. Watch out for that ice, winter athletes!

Woof. Cross country skiing is really hard. We know, because we’ve watched a lot of it so far:

Russia won gold in the team figure skating competition, but the star of that show was 15-year-old whippersnapper Julia Lipnitskaia, whose leg-to-face spin move brought the crowd to their feet! 

Wow, we really watched these closely. Can’t wait for women’s figure skating tomorrow! 

Sochi Highlights and Lowlights

The Sochi Olympics are in full Russian swing, and we have been glued, absolutely GLUED to our local cable provider for all the HD details. We’re bringing you the most accurate, action-packed moves from the first four days. Hold on to your seats, Olympics fans, because there are a lot of new faces you’re going to want to remember.

The first US gold medal was well earned by a snowboarder, because Americans love hanging ten degrees below zero. RIGHTEOUS! Check out the moves:

We are so excited that women are part of the ski jump competition this year. Because if there’s anything we know about Russia, it’s that this country loves symbols of equality. Fly high, ladies:

Unfortunately, there have already been some nasty spills on the course. Watch out for that ice, winter athletes!

Woof. Cross country skiing is really hard. We know, because we’ve watched a lot of it so far:

Russia won gold in the team figure skating competition, but the star of that show was 15-year-old whippersnapper Julia Lipnitskaia, whose leg-to-face spin move brought the crowd to their feet! 

Wow, we really watched these closely. Can’t wait for women’s figure skating tomorrow! 

Hello Sochi, Hello World 
It’s been a long hibernation for Ladiez Home Journal. But there’s nothing like an anti-gay shitstorm of international sporting proportions to bring us out of hiding. 
We’re back, Internet. Hold on to your anal beads.

Hello Sochi, Hello World 

It’s been a long hibernation for Ladiez Home Journal. But there’s nothing like an anti-gay shitstorm of international sporting proportions to bring us out of hiding. 

We’re back, Internet. Hold on to your anal beads.

The Botany of Sexy Chaos
Just doing some casual weeding this week, getting to the root of all evil. Whew.
Luckily, One More Soul is pumping out the gardening knowledge so that we all can learn 1. how strong family life is grown, and 2. that burying used diaphragms in your front yard is responsible for all the sexy chaos/dandelions.  

The Botany of Sexy Chaos

Just doing some casual weeding this week, getting to the root of all evil. Whew.

Luckily, One More Soul is pumping out the gardening knowledge so that we all can learn 1. how strong family life is grown, and 2. that burying used diaphragms in your front yard is responsible for all the sexy chaos/dandelions.  

How to #DrinkLikeaLady
Thank the afternoon margarita gods up in heaven that the Skinnygirl brand keeps adding fun drinks to their line of alcohols - and even fun TIPS. They’re teaching the internet how to #drinklikealady. Or rather, that if one has the reproductive power to birth life that she must #drinklikealady or else go through life as a sad Frumpyfemale.
We’ve got even more giggle ways to bats eyelashes drink like a skinny lady!!!!
Drink Skinnygirl while swimming in a pile of underwear from Victoria’s Secret PINK. WEEE! #drinklikealady
Drink Bare Naked Vodka while eating cupcakes at your combination bridal/baby shower brunch! #drinklikealady
Drink Skinnygirl Sweet ‘N Tart while wearing pearls. ‘Scuse me pearl thong. omgsexy! #drinklikealady
Dissolve some birth control in your Skinnygirl Miss Goody Two-Blues, stir. #drinklikealady
Manicure, pedicure, vatoo, vajazzle and vaginal reconstruction ahem rejuvenation. THEN, sip your Skinnyminis. #drinklikealady
Find a boyfriend first who will propose to you before you move in together, or you can’t drink any of your Lady Like Lime :( #drinklikealady
Filter your Red Headed Skinnygirl through a sanitary napkin or stir with a tampon before drinking #drinklikealady
Birth a child and then use the placenta as bitters in your Skinnygirl Bikini Cubra Libre #drinklikealady
Guzzle your Skinnygirl White Cranberry Cosmo from a Diva Cup #drinklikealady
Drink 25% less Skinnygirl than your male counterparts because OOPS that’s what you can afford to do when you #drinklikealady
If you have anymore tips on how to #drinklikealady send them to @ladiezhj because we have to finish this razzlematazzle vagberry cocktail. STAT.

How to #DrinkLikeaLady

Thank the afternoon margarita gods up in heaven that the Skinnygirl brand keeps adding fun drinks to their line of alcohols - and even fun TIPS. They’re teaching the internet how to #drinklikealady. Or rather, that if one has the reproductive power to birth life that she must #drinklikealady or else go through life as a sad Frumpyfemale.

We’ve got even more giggle ways to bats eyelashes drink like a skinny lady!!!!

  1. Drink Skinnygirl while swimming in a pile of underwear from Victoria’s Secret PINK. WEEE! #drinklikealady
  2. Drink Bare Naked Vodka while eating cupcakes at your combination bridal/baby shower brunch! #drinklikealady
  3. Drink Skinnygirl Sweet ‘N Tart while wearing pearls. ‘Scuse me pearl thong. omgsexy! #drinklikealady
  4. Dissolve some birth control in your Skinnygirl Miss Goody Two-Blues, stir. #drinklikealady
  5. Manicure, pedicure, vatoo, vajazzle and vaginal reconstruction ahem rejuvenation. THEN, sip your Skinnyminis. #drinklikealady
  6. Find a boyfriend first who will propose to you before you move in together, or you can’t drink any of your Lady Like Lime :( #drinklikealady
  7. Filter your Red Headed Skinnygirl through a sanitary napkin or stir with a tampon before drinking #drinklikealady
  8. Birth a child and then use the placenta as bitters in your Skinnygirl Bikini Cubra Libre #drinklikealady
  9. Guzzle your Skinnygirl White Cranberry Cosmo from a Diva Cup #drinklikealady
  10. Drink 25% less Skinnygirl than your male counterparts because OOPS that’s what you can afford to do when you #drinklikealady

If you have anymore tips on how to #drinklikealady send them to @ladiezhj because we have to finish this razzlematazzle vagberry cocktail. STAT.

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